Israel and Hamas AFK, Promise to Resume After Lunch Break
In a rare moment of digital diplomacy, both Israel and Hamas simultaneously announced they were going AFK — away from keyboard — declaring a temporary ceasefire “for hydration, reflection, and shawarma.” The truce, effective immediately, allows both sides to stretch, check notifications, and decide whether they still remember why they were fighting in the first place. Officials described the pause as “a historic opportunity for everyone to log out without losing progress.”
The ceasefire terms reportedly include one hour of quiet time, a mutual ban on trash talk, and an agreement not to peek at the enemy’s strategy screen. “We’ve been in continuous combat mode since level one,” said one Israeli spokesperson, “and our hands are cramping. Even soldiers need ergonomic breaks.” Hamas representatives echoed the sentiment, noting that “war fatigue hits hardest when your Wi-Fi drops mid-retaliation.”
Behind the scenes, negotiators are hailing this as the most successful diplomatic development since the introduction of the mute button. United Nations mediators confirmed that both factions have agreed to resume “at a later time, depending on energy levels and how long lunch takes.” Rumours suggest they may even consider turning the conflict into a turn-based system to reduce lag and improve fairness.
Meanwhile, global observers have reacted with cautious optimism, or perhaps just hunger. Several Western leaders have described the truce as “a positive reboot,” though analysts warn that resuming hostilities after lunch could be complicated by post-meal drowsiness. “If either side orders heavy carbs, peace may accidentally extend till evening,” one commentator noted.
As of press time, the war remains officially paused, with both sides promising to “be right back.” Citizens across the region are advised to use this limited break to restock food, water, and hope before the servers inevitably come back online. Because in the Middle East, even peace — like an unstable connection — tends to time out.